We are tired of shallow connections. On social media our attention is sold to the highest bidder. And what do we get in exchange? Content designed to keep us passively consuming, using brain hacks to enrage us. It makes us sick, seeking the next fix, while our attention span reduces to seconds. And what do we think in those seconds? “Nice”, next, “cool”, next, “omg!”, next, “meh”, next, “cool”, next, “boring”, next, “boring”, next. We just keep scrolling hoping the next content will fill the void left by the last. We can do better.
Really, are you getting any real value from social media companies?
We are social beings. Our species thrives on social connection. Our brains equate social isolation with death. Social media companies exploit our need for connection, not by fulfilling this need, but by keeping us starved.
The continuous dopamine hits and the constant context switching take a toll on our brains. Long scrolling sessions make us feel really tired, we keep expecting another dopamine hit. Sometimes the gamble pays off and we find something mildly interesting and we keep going. We are not just tired, we are exhausted.
What can we do?
Assess your situation: how long can you stay disconnected from social media platforms? If less than a day, you are addicted. How do you feel at the end of the day? If you are exhausted you need to act. They will not act with your best interest in mind (unless you are a shareholder). They will keep using hacks to keep you addicted engaged for even longer sessions. And it will only get worse.
We need to create a way out of this situation, to not just disconnect but reconnect with people we can share our victories and our challenges with. The path may not be clear in the middle of the doom scrolling since the social media networks became the main way to get our news, entertainment, and to talk with our friends, families and coworkers. They seem as pervasive as the air around us, but we can replace them with connection networks.
How to build your connection networks?
There are some options that you can use, but there is no one magical solution to fix things overnight. And you may have extra challenges: maybe you are neurodivergent, or you are struggling to keep up with your living expenses, or you are facing difficult health issues, or you are in an abusive relationship. Regardless of how difficult your situation is, if you don’t start trying something different you will keep getting the same results. You deserve more.
Try the following options, adapting them to your own situation, and your connection network will increase over time.
First: we need to slow down and regain the ability to appreciate the moment. Be present when you are talking with someone. Focus on them, no distractions, no looking at the little screen in your hand. Or just graciously end the talk, it is more respectful to the other person than having a half baked conversation.
Second: reach out to people in your life that you have not to talked in a while. Have a real conversation, don’t just like their posts. Show interest in what is happening in their lives — everyone likes to feel heard. Reach out to people that you don’t know very well. Talk with neighbors that you just say hello to, or coworkers that you never talked to about what they really value in life. Try to find common ground in those conversations.
Third: reach out to new people. Search for groups dealing with things that you like or want to learn, or meetups that you could attend. Look inward and try to find what you like. Numbness can make it more difficult to find what you like, but it is important that you try. It doesn’t need to be the perfect activity for you, just something that you can start. Not everybody that you meet will be welcoming but over time you will find people that share some of your interests and are willing to connect.
Fourth: take care of yourself. Make sure that you are fulfilling our three main needs: sleep, exercise and good diet. Go beyond the fads, this is not about getting the newest sleep tracking app, the best exercise routine or the trendiest diet. We are talking about the basics, a nice sleep routine, some light exercise every day and a good enough diet. Our body has way more impact on our mind than we realize. Sleep is the most crucial and the easiest one for us to ignore.
Fifth: log how much time you spend on social networks and how you feel after each scrolling session. Go easy, don’t try to push too hard to stop. Just write down how you feel and be kind to yourself. The goal is to replace the shallow connections, and the unnecessary outrage, with deeper connections.
Sixth: start a journal. Putting our thoughts and feelings in a linear format helps us to slow down and better understand how we feel. There are tons of different ways of journaling. Start with something simple, anything, just start. Journaling for even five minutes dailyish is enough to have an impact. You can start by replying to those prompts, “how was my day today, what was good and what was not so good?”, “what could I have done better?” and “what are my plans for tomorrow?”. Over time, patterns will emerge from the pages.
We deserve better than having social media companies addicting us — with the same tactics casinos use to transform casual visitors into addicted gamblers. They are making everybody meaninglessly outraged over everything and profiting from everybody’s misery. It is time to ditch them and create a better future for ourselves.